Goin school (by Lee Mastter)
I am much too alone in this world, yet not alone enough to truly consecrate the hour. I am much too small in this world, yet not small enough to be to you just object and thing, dark and smart. I want my free will and want it accompanying the path which leads to action; and want during times that beg questions, where something is up, to be among those in the know, or else be alone. I want to mirror your image to its fullest perfection, never be blind or too old to uphold your wieghty wavering reflection. I want to unfold. Nowhere I wish to stay crooked, bent; for there I would be dishonest, untrue. I want my conscience to be true before you; want to describe myself like a picture I observed for a long time, one close up, like anew word I learned and embraced, like the everyday jug, like my mother’s face, like a ship that carried me along through the deadliest storm.
My heart worships you deeply
While my eyes says you betray me
My lonely soul cries out to you
What I see can never be
Killing me you never stop
Whipping me with the tear drop
Corrupting my feelings is your game
Becoz all you want is the fame
This though I know from the start
Yet I refused to listen my heart
Since you pierced with cupid’s arrow
Where my mind leads, I follow!
I wish to reverse my time
To get stronger when I meet you
To roll days I spent behind
And dodge away the arrows u threw
I was standing in the bus stop at my place waiting for a bus to going somewhere.. After a couple of minutes, I saw a bus coming.
When the bus came, I looked at it and said to myself, “eeee… so full…cannot sit down one”, “I’ll wait for the next one.”
So I let the bus go and waited for the second bus. Then the second bus came, I looked at it and said, “eeee…this bus so old… surely very uncomfortable one.” So I let the second bus go and decided to wait for the next bus.
After a while, another bus came. It’s not crowded and not old but I said, “eeee… no air-condition one…and the weather is so warm, better wait for the next one. So again I let the bus go and decided to wait for the next bus. Then the sky started to get dark as it is getting late. I panicked and jumped on to the next coming bus. It is not until much later that I found out that I had boarded on to the wrong bus! Got down at some appropriate stop and hired a taxi payed him thrice the money and finally reached, Thus I wasted my time and money waiting for what I want! Even if an air-conditioned bus would have come next, can I ensure that the air-conditioned bus won’t break down or will the air-conditioned be working fine?
So people.. I want to make sure that what We Want Is Not Wrong. But it wouldn’t hurt to give other people a chance, right? If I find that the “bus” doesn’t suit me, I would just press the red button and get off the bus! But wait…I am sure all of us have this experienced this before. I saw a bus coming (the bus I want of course), I flagged at it and the driver acted blur by pretending not seeing Me and zoomed pass !
The bottom line of being loved is like waiting for a bus and whether I want to get on the bus and give the bus a chance depends totally on Me and walking alone is just like being out of love If you love someone set him/her free. If he/she comes back to you, you know they are yours. If they don’t then it was never meant to be. Remember to always say what You mean. If you love someone, tell. Don’t be afraid to express it yourself. Reach out and tell someone what he or she means to You. Because when you decide that it is the right time, it might be too late. Seize the day. Never have regrets.
I can sit here with you forever. I don’t need to touch you. I don’t need to hear your voice. I don’t even have to look at you. As long as I know that you are here besides me. If I can smell your scent that I’ve grown to adore more than that of roses, hear you breathe and feel your warmth in the air around me, I’ll be happy all my life…
I’m little more difficult to understand than some people. I’m myself with my friends and not with people I kind of know. I’m quiet at times and really loud and crazy at other times. I may look really happy, but I’m mostly hurt on the inside. I may dress nice and look like I have “a perfect life”, but my life is no where near perfect (no one’s life is). I’m mostly unpredictable and unexpected. But, I’m me, accept it
if i dont wake up tomorrow,tell them i’ll be alright, a letter to the world, saying jesus holds me tight, ive been through stormy weather, through thick and through thin, if i dont wake up tomorrow, tomorrow’s not the end.
I’ve made mistakes in my life.
I’ve let people take advantage of me.
and I’ve accepted way less than I deserve.
But, I’ve learned from my bad choices and even though there are some things I can never get back and people who will never be sorry, I know better next time and I won’t settle for anything less than I deserve.
All the phones have rung and rung
Theyre off the hook, all but one
And all the mail stacked up inside
Up from the floor, a mile high
And like one would, like a child
Im asking
Like I could knock on your door
Will you let me in?
And dear God, I found out the same things we learn when We die
I found out the truth is its all a big lie
I find that the words are hard to describe
I tell you Im lost here, awaiting reply
Climbing trees and paper planes
Life as a kid, were all the same
Tears of joy, and sullen hearts
Sticks and stones and broken arms
And like one would, like a child
Im asking
Like I could knock on your door
Will you let me in?
And dear God, I found out the same things we learn when We die
I found out the truth is its all a big lie
I find that the words are hard to describe
I tell you Im lost here, awaiting reply
I found out whats wrong, and its not you or i
Or anyone else that you chose tonight
It seems like the madness of choice in the life
Has made it all clear if we run or we hide
And dear God, I found out the same things we learn when We die
I found out the truth is its all a big lie
I find that the words are hard to describe
I tell you Im lost here, awaiting reply
I found out whats wrong, and its not you or i
Or anyone else that you chose tonight
It seems like the madness of choice in the life
Has made it all clear if we run or we hide
Another sleepless night at home,i dont know but i dont really care cause time doesnt matter when i’m there! not surrendering to what i know is hindering my life. I’m sneezing out it was 12 in the midnight i just need to get away from them. walking in the street light glow pretending i know where to go. It never brings the piece of what i need when i listening to the crickets singing serenity. Missing clues and hidden lies, remembering what i despise. They giving care again,pretending that their still my friend, did i not tell you this was the end? yes..i’m crazy..and it’s cold in here and its dark outside and this love hangover is getting old! i walk the street like its mine,barefoot and i feel just fine knowing that i’m all alone since first that no one cares if i’m at home. I just staring down the street not worrying about who i’ll meet,and i feel so incomplete. yes„again, i’m crazy but i’m alone the people disappear in that place so i got home. Trying to fall asleep,a quarter past two…my mind fills with images of what i’ve done…and the stupid home! i’m never alone! yes,i’m crazy but i’m alone and i’m tired..my patience has finally expired. I fell asleep at three AM with nightmares then my consciousness tares..i’m wide awake and im scared of dream i will never recall,i hope your happy with this all!! i’m haunted by that stupid home! and that youre sad somewhere wishing for me! i hope you stay that way,unhappy for all your days so can i say: i hate you, i miss you, i’m all alone haunted by this stupid room.will you stop thinking about me?! please
Natuto ka mabuhay ng magisa,wala sa piling ng iyong mga magulang, nakikita at nakakasalamuha mo nga ang mga kapatid mo pero-wala silang pakialam sa buong pagkatao mo-nandun ka nagiisa-palagay at pagkukunwaring laging gamit na maskara-kasama ng isang kaibigan na lagi mong kasama-nandun kayo magdamag nagiisa.
Sa tuwing gusto mong umiyak,wala kang masandalan o matabuhan kundi ang iyong tinuturing na matalik na kaibigan(teddybear)ikaw mismo gumawa at nagbigay ng buhay sakanya-inalay mo ang kalahating pagkatao mo sa kaibigan na ito kaya sa tuwing nalulungkot ka-sya ang lagi mong kausap-kahit na-hindi ka nya nayayakap-hindi ka nya nabibigyan ng payo at di ka nya kayang mahalin ng lubos ee anjan sya di nawawala at umaalis sa piling mo.
Natuto ka magmahal,dun ka natuto masaktan,gusto mong magmahal at patunyan na mahalaga ka rin sa mundo hindi lang sila kundi kasama ka,naiisip mo minsan na sana mamatay nalang ako,pero hindi diba mas ginusto mong manatili at hayaang me isang taong dumating at makakaintindi sa kung anuman ang gusto mo.
Mga kaibigan-tinuring mong totoo ngunit di ka naman kayang pahalagahan,inaabuso ka,kapag di ka nila mahingan ng tulong-wala sila sa tabi mo-wala sila sa piling mo sa twuing gusto mo ng karamay-mas natitira pa rin ang kaibigan mo.
Minsan naiisip mo-sana mamatay nako-hanggang sa tumayo ka at naghanap ng isang matalim na bagay-gusto mo wakasan ang buhay mo dahil sa sakit na di mo na kayang labanan-patuloy mo mng itago ito sa lahat ng tao-wala paring silbi kase sa paningin nila-WALANG NGEXIST NA IKAW-kaya bakit mmamtay ka-pareho lang yun diba-kinuha mo ang isang matalim na bagay na hiniwa mo ang iyong braso dun mo naramdaman na-nabubuhay ka pla talga,masakit,makirot,at patuloy ang pagdaloy ng dugo mong kulay pula sa iyong braso,nandun ka,nandun yung kaibgan mong pinapanood ka lang,pero para san pa diba-WALA NAMANG NAKAKAKITA EFFORT MO.
Posted a story on Wattpad - Hindi mo Mabibili ang Tunay na Pagmamahal
Support my story by voting on Wattpad!
It’s the last day i will meet the morning
The last fresh air that can hug me close today
I know this will be the last time I’ve seen the blue skies in the morning
And when afternoon come it would be the last time i am goin to eat lunch.
The family, friends, people, things i called my favorite
The last chance that i can see them clearly in my eyes
I admit that someday the world will forget about me
Will soon erase in the peoples memory just few of them stay
The last time i can used my tooth brush in the kitchen.
The last chance i could tell my mom how much i love her
How much i love my family and the whole part of my life
This will be the last time i ever know how to breathe
The air that comes from my soul calling by my name
The last tears that could fall apart run down from my face
The last word i could ever tell for everyone else know me
The last hug i could receive from the people who really loves me
The last story i can write in my diary
Written about what happen each day by day
I know people will never ever wanted me to stay
The last lvoe i could ever feel by someone i dont know if real.
The last enimies i could hear from them voice saying stupid jerk about me.
The perfect goodbye i could tell to everyone
This is what ive dreamed before,
The perfect world to come along with me alone
No people ive seen crying, no roses threw in my burial
The last testament that tells where the things come from when im gone
I love them, i love everybody and i love those people i will met tomorrow, for the next day and for the coming year or decades that i never make friends with them.
I am happy now, I am satisfied being nothing.
I’m done about crying each night when im alone
I’m done listening to the voice of the people who hates me
and I’m done being tired for the fuckin feelings i never explain anymore.
The last breathe that people feel
this is the perfect goodbye
This is the perfect life
Because life is for everybody
and not meant for me.
Goodbye.